The Angel Who Cried Crimson
by Mari-chan
Summary: Quatre finds himself at the brink of depression and suicide.
1.

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties ****

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. I can assure you that if you sue me you will get about $40 bucks and a really cheap computer. Besides it would only be a waste of your time.

****

Warnings: ANGST!!!! This fic involves graphic depictions of self-mutilation and depression. If this sort of thing bothers you or makes you uncomfortable then please stop reading now. This is not a fic promoting self-mutilation because I have been there and it is not a fun thing to deal with. This is a fic about getting over it. Please, if this sort of thing bothers you DO NOT read any further!!!

~…~ Denotes thoughts

"…" Denotes dialogue 

**__**

The Angel Who Cried Crimson

By: Marissa Kaisuke

Quatre leaned against the cool tile wall, fire shooting from his wrist and lower arm. _~ Crap this hurts like a bitch! ~_ Quatre winced as he swiped at the soft skin again. Small droplets of blood beaded up over his skin, crimson contrasting sharply with the smooth alabaster white. Turning to face the mirror, Quatre looked at the empty expression on his face. _~ I wonder what the others would say if they found me in here. Would they care? ~_ Quatre frowned and cut his arm again. _~ Idiot! Why would they care? Why would they even want to bother with such a pathetic, crybaby, weakling? No one cares about you! They hate you! And who wouldn't? Ugly fucking QUEER!! ~_ Quatre gulped softly, biting back a sob. Crystalline tears tracked their way down his cheeks, mingling with the thin red stream flowing down the sink drain. _~ God you're worthless! Not even nice to look at. Pale, oversized eyes, short, thin and sickly looking with hair that resembles bleached straw. Look at Heero. So gorgeous with that body and intense blue eyes. And Duo with all that hair and slim figure. Trowa with such grace and eloquent features. Even Wufei is hot with his high cheekbones and glossy raven hair. I'm the loser of the group. The only thing I'm good for is money and a big safehouse to stay in. Even that I didn't earn on my own. I just got lucky and was born into a rich family. ~_ Quatre dropped the knife and slid to his knees. Pulling a washcloth off the rack, he dabbed at the long slash marks criss-crossing his arm. After cleaning off his arm and the sink countertop, Quatre quietly slipped out of the bathroom and headed for his bedroom. _~ Oh shit. ~_ Duo popped his head out of the living room. 

"Hey Kat! Wanna come watch a movie with me and Heero. I finally got ol' stiff-ass-psycho-boy offa his laptop for a little while. We're gonna watch Gladiator or something like that. It's this really old movie I dug up from the year 2000 somethin'. It's got lots of violence, gore, and killing. Heh! S'only way I got Heero to agree to watch. So ya wanna join or what?" Quatre smiled reluctantly. _~ Just leave me alone Duo. I'm not in the mood to socialize. I just want to go back to my room and FUCKING CRY MY WUSSY LITTLE EYES OUT!!! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!? ~_

"Uh, no thanks, Duo. I'm feeling kinda tired so I'm gonna go take a nap. Thanks anyway though." Quatre turned back to head towards his room. Duo reached out and grabbed Quatre's arm. Surprise lit up his violet eyes as the blonde pilot yelped and jerked his wrist away. 

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you! I just wanted to ask if you were all right. You looked kinda down. I'm so sorry Quatre!!" Duo hugged him quickly, apologies spilling from his lips. 

"It's okay. It's just a bruise I got from the last mission. Don't worry about me. I'm just tired that's all. I'm going to lay down now, k?" Duo nodded slightly, watching worriedly as Quatre pushed past him and hurried to his room clutching the wounded arm to his chest. 

****

"This coffee's good Quatre. What kind is it?" Quatre turned from the chopping board he was currently using to glance at the Chinese pilot. 

"Huh? Oh, I think its hazelnut this time. I put some vanilla cream in there too for flavor. I'm glad you like it. Do you want peppers in your omelet?" Wufei looked up from the newspaper he was reading. 

"Sure. Could you throw some extra onions in there too?" Quatre nodded his head and started humming along with the radio. *THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP BANG* 

"OW SHIT!!! MY LEG!!" * SLAM THUMP THUMP THUMP * Quatre sweatdropped as he poured the egg mixture into the pan. 

"Maxwell's up." Wufei stated, not glancing up from his paper. 

"GOOOOD MORNING!!" Duo chirped loudly, entering the small kitchen. "Ooh! What'cha cookin' Kat? Smells good." Quatre swatted the braided pilot's hand away. Duo plopped down at the table after stealing a handful of grated cheddar. "What'cha reading Wu-chan?" Duo peeked over the edge of the newspaper, peering down at the Chinese boy. 

"Nothing that a third grade intellect could handle, Maxwell." 

"Ooh! Stung!" Duo clutched at his chest giggling, while swiping a sip from Wufei's coffee. "Every justice lovin' fangirls wet dream. Cute mug, Wu-chan." Duo smirked as he read the outside writing aloud. 

"Don't ask, and get your own coffee, lazyass." Quatre laughed softly as he set two plates down in front of them. Quatre looked up as Heero entered the kitchen. Aqua eyes took in the sight of the hot Japanese boy clad only in boxers and a dark mop of unruly hair. _~ Damn he looks good. Ah! Fucking queer thoughts! Heero would beat the crap outta me if he knew what I was thinking. ~_ Heero raised an eyebrow as a look of pure rage overcame the gentle blonde's face. It quickly passed as he dished Wufei and Duo their breakfast. Quatre gently pushed Heero from the fridge and into a seat at the table. 

"I'll cook you breakfast. What would you like in your omelet?" Quatre bustled about the kitchen handing Heero a plate and setting one out for Trowa who had just entered the kitchen.

"Morning Trowa. Here's your tea. Sit down at the table and tell me what you want in your omelet." 

"Whatever you have is fine, just no salsa please. Where's the sugar and honey?" Quatre set the sugar bowl and honey before the Heavyarms pilot. 

"Heero? Omelet?" 

"Oh, uh the same as Trowa I guess. Could you put some extra peppers in mine though?" Quatre nodded and set about making them breakfast. After all five pilots were fed and the table cleared, Quatre turned on the tap and began rinsing dishes. Wufei came up behind the small blonde and set his empty mug in the sink. Narrowing his eyes, Wufei looked closely at the other boy's partially exposed wrist. 

"Quatre? What happened to your arm?" Quatre gasped and yanked his sleeve over his wrist.

"Uh, nothing Wufei. Just a few cuts I got from when I was fixing Sandrock the other day. Don't worry about it. It's nothing." _~ SHIT!! Idiot! This will teach you to be more careful when you're around the others! ~_ Quatre nervously watched as Wufei studied him, glancing from face to arm every few seconds. 

"You ought to be more careful in the future." Quatre left out the breath he had been holding as the other boy left the kitchen. _~ That was close. ~_

****

Comments? Mail me at: patamon666@yahoo.com


	2. 

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties ****

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. I can assure you that if you sue me you will get about $40 bucks and a really cheap computer. Besides it would only be a waste of your time.

****

Warnings: ANGST!!!! This fic involves graphic depictions of self-mutilation and depression. If this sort of thing bothers you or makes you uncomfortable then please stop reading now. This is not a fic promoting self-mutilation because I have been there and it is not a fun thing to deal with. This is a fic about getting over it. Please, if this sort of thing bothers you DO NOT read any further!!!

~…~ Denotes thoughts

"…" Denotes dialogue 

**__**

The Angel Who Cried Crimson

Part 2

By: Marissa Kaisuke

"OWWWW!! Heero! Watch the braid!! THAT HURT!" 

"Well that's what you get for leaving it so long. I can't help it if I stepped on it." Trowa peered around the corner into the living room, curious as to all the yelling.

"What are you two doing?" Duo sat on the floor petting the long braid like an animal while Heero looked over at the Heavyarms pilot. 

"Duo wanted to spar so I kicked his ass." Heero explained nonchalantly, smirking at the incredulous expression on the violet-eyed boy's face. 

"KICKED MY ASS!?! You cheated Yuy! He fights like a friggin' girl Tro! Pullin' hair and shit! JERK!" Heero glared at Duo as the braided boy stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at him.

"Girl? Did you just say I fight like a girl, Maxwell?" He asked quietly, promises of death lacing his question. Duo ran to where Trowa stood and hid behind the taller boy.

"Shiiiit! Trowa, hide me! He's gonna kill me 'cause I insulted his pride." Trowa laughed softly and moved out of the way as the Wing pilot grabbed Duo around the waist. Duo yelped and struggled to get away, flailing his arms about to grab onto something. "Traitor!" He spat at Trowa.

"I'm gonna beat your ass red for that insult. Then I'm gonna screw you so bad you won't sit for a week!" Trowa hid a smile as Duo blushed various shades of red, shock written all over his face. 

"Heero! You've never been so public before. Remind me to piss you off more often." Duo smirked and landed a quick peck on the Japanese boy's cheek before sliding out of the iron hold grip. Trowa smiled at the small show of affection, having known for several months about the secret coupling the two had engaged in. _~ They make a good couple despite the fact they annoy the hell outta each other. I wish Quatre and I were like that. Hell, I'd be satisfied if he just liked boys much less me in particular. Atleast I'd have a shot then. I don't think he even knows I like him. Oh well. One can always fantasize I guess. ~_

"I'm doing some laundry so any clothes you guys have, just put them in a pile outside your room."

"Laundry? I thought Kat took care of that chore." A small pink flush flew over the taller boy's cheeks as he turned his head. 

"Yeah, well…I uh, just thought I'd help him out a bit. No big deal." Trowa laughed nervously as the two other pilots stared questioningly at him.

"Ohhh! I get it! You're trying to hook up with our little Kat by helpin' him out. Aww…that's so cute! Isn't it Hee-chan?" Heero smirked as Duo pointed at the others cheeks. "Look! He knows what he wants. Just thinkin' 'bout our cute little Kat all hot 'n bothered under him. See! He's blushin' like the horny man he is!" Duo laughed as Trowa turned scarlet then a nice shade of purplish-red.

"Yeah…well…I better go get that laundry, huh? Uh…yeah, just leave you clothes out and I'll take care of them." Trowa exited the living room quickly, heading in the direction of their bedrooms. _~ That would be nice. Quatre underneath me, calling my name out in ecstasy. Damn that's a hot image! ~_ Trowa smiled dreamily at the thought. _~ Quatre in leather. Ooh! Quatre in lingerie! Now that's one hell of a wet dream come true! ~_ Trowa stopped outside Wufei's door and picked up the Chinese style clothes left on the floor. _~ I wonder what's been up with Quatre lately? He's been pretty quiet and staying in his room a lot recently. I hope he's okay. Maybe I should ask him to do something with me. I could invite him into town when I go out for supplies on Friday. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Plus this way I get to spend sometime alone with him. ~_ Pleased with his plan, Trowa stopped outside the blonde's room and knocked quietly on the door. Hearing no reply, he pushed the door open and peered inside the dark room. _~ Huh? Wonder where he went? Oh well. I'll just grab whatever's on the floor and head to down to put it in the washer. His, mine, and Wufei's should be enough to fill up one load. I'll just wash Duo's and Heero's in the next load. ~_ Trowa clicked on a lamp and gathered up the soft articles of clothing strewn around the floor. _~ That's weird. Quatre's usually not this messy. He normally keeps everything nice and neat. This looks more like Duo's room than his. ~_ "What the hell…?" Trowa picked up the bloody washcloth tucked under a pile of khakis. _~ Is this Quatre's blood!?! God, what in the hell did he do to himself?!? I didn't know he got hurt that bad to lose this much blood. I mean he picked up a few bruises and cuts in our last mission but nothing serious enough to bleed like this. ~ _Trowa hissed as he picked up another shirt. Examining a sleeve, he found large stains where blood had seeped through the thin cloth. Confused and worried thoughts flew through his mind as he tried to make sense of his new discoveries. _~ How in the hell did this happen?!? What in the FUCK HAPPENED TO HIM?!? I SWEAR I'M GONNA SLAUGHTER WHOEVER DID THIS TO HIM!!! If I find out this is from OZ or a mission I'm gonna FUCKING KILL THOSE BASTARDS!!!~_ Pure rage took over the normally stoic pilot's face. 

"Why are you in my room?" Startled, Trowa looked to the doorway to see Quatre standing there. 

"Quatre, what in the hell is this from?" Trowa stalked over to the smaller boy and held up the bloodied cloth and shirt. Fear passed over the other boy's face before it was quickly replaced by anger.

"You were snooping through my room?!? ASSHOLE! Get the hell outta here!" Quatre snatched the clothing articles from him and shoved the Heavyarms pilots out of the room. 

"Quatre, wait! Where did all that blood come from? Are you hurt?"

"GET OUT AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" Quatre snarled at him before slamming the door in Trowa's face. 

"Quatre! Open up! Let me explain…please…" Trowa knocked on the door several times. Sighing dejectedly, he gave up and headed down the hall towards the basement carrying his and Wufei's clothes. Inside the bedroom, Quatre sifted through his drawers fervently. 

"Where in the hell did I put it? Shit! What if Trowa found it?" Aqua eyes lit up as his slim fingers brushed against the sharp blade. Pulling his sleeve up, Quatre took the knife and slashed a cut along his upper arm. _~ GODDAMNIT! Stupid little fuck! You just ruined the only chance you ever had with him by yelling at him! Idiot! God, you didn't even let him explain why he was in here! He probably had a perfectly logical reason and you just had to go and fuck up the situation by screaming at him. ~ _Quatre cried out as he cut himself again, this time applying as much pressure as he could_. ~SHIT! THAT HURT!! Stupid fag! You deserve every ounce of that pain. Thinking YOU had a chance with HIM? HA! He'd never look twice at you even if he were a gay fag like you. God you're such a dumbass! ~_ Quatre lashed out again with the knife, tears escaping from his eyes as the pain consumed his body. "God…this hurts like a…bitch…" Quatre collapsed on the bed, sobs tearing their way from his chest. _~ I'm so worthless. So fucking worthless. ~_ His slim, lithe body curled up in a fetal position. Shivers wreaking havoc throughout his body. _~ Maybe I should just carry out the act and get it over with. The others wouldn't miss me if I died. They'd probably be happy they didn't have such a fucking psycho to live with anymore. I'm too much of a wuss to do it though. God I'm so worthless. ~_ Quatre dropped the knife as he clutched a pillow to his chest, sobbing into the plush fabric till sleep overtook him into a dreamless world. 

****

"Mmm…Heero? Where're…you goin'…"

"Ssshh baby…go back to sleep. I'm just thirsty." Heero brushed a hand over the sleeping boy's face, smiling slightly at Duo's peaceful figure. Duo mumbled something softly and turned over, a slim arm reaching out to where the Wing pilot lay. Heero carefully untangled himself from the braided boy and quietly exited the room. Padding down the hallway in boxers and slippers, Heero stifled a yawn_. ~ I'm so tired tonight. Duo sure knows how to keep me awake, though. ~_ Smirking at the thought, Heero flicked the light on in the kitchen. _~ Heh, I never knew he was so flexible. ~_ Heero squinted, cobalt eyes adjusting to the light. Opening the cabinet, he pulled out a glass and poured himself some juice. Cocking his head to the side, Heero listened to the silence. Hearing a soft noise, Heero clicked the light off and headed down the hall. Following the sounds, he found himself standing outside Quatre's bedroom. Pressing an ear to the door, the Japanese boy listened to what sounded like soft sobbing followed by whimpers of pain. _~ What the hell? ~ _"Quatre? Are you okay?" Inside, Quatre threw the bloody razor blade under his pillow and wiped the crimson from his arm on the bedspread. Smoothing out his sleeves and rubbing his face, the small blonde fixed himself up to a semblance of normalcy. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Heero frowned behind the door at the shaky attempt to sound all right. 

"Quatre, you're obviously not fine. Now, open the damn door right now or I will force it myself." Quatre slowly got up, looking around the room for any signs of his previous activities. _~ Everything looks okay other than the clothes all over the floor. ~_ Kicking the clothing into a pile, Quatre slowly opened the door. 

"Yeah?" 

"What are you doing? I heard you crying. Are you okay?" Heero pushed the door open further and entered the room. 

"I'm fine. I wasn't crying. You can leave now." Heero turned to glare and the blonde pilot. 

"Fine? Quatre, I'm a trained assassin and one of the five most wanted men of all time and you want me to stand here and believe you when you tell me you're just fine. I can tell if I hear crying or not. Don't play stupid, Kat. Why were you crying?" Heero laid a hand on the other's shoulder. "Look, I know you and I haven't been exactly the closest of friends but, you can trust me. I want to help you but I can't if you won't tell me what's wrong. Please…why were you crying?" Quatre looked away, shame and guilt rising in his throat. 

"It's nothing Heero, really. Please, just leave. It's late and I just don't want to talk right now." Aqua eyes shone with tears as Quatre looked up at the wing pilot. Heero pulled Quatre into a tight hug. 

"If you say so, then I'll believe you. I know you wouldn't lie to us if there was something wrong." Quatre stiffened up in shock at the unexpected display of affection. 

"Hee…Heero?" Heero pulled Quatre back slightly. Brushing away the blonde bangs, Heero pressed a light kiss to his forehead and turned to leave. 

"You know that we're all here for you, right? Please tell us if there's something bothering you." Quatre watched, astonished by the Japanese boy, as Heero exited the room quietly. Heero padded down the hall and entered his and Duo's room. Duo shifted under the covers as Heero climbed in next to him under the thick comforter. 

"Mmm…what took you so long? Heero wrapped his arms around the braided boy, pulling the slim body up against him. 

"I caught Quatre crying. I think there's something wrong with him." Duo shifted up on his elbows, staring sleepily at his lover.

"Is he okay? Why was he crying?" Heero pulled Duo back down. Petting the loose chestnut hair, Heero sighed softly.

"He wouldn't tell me why he was crying. He's been looking kinda depressed lately, though. Maybe we should talk with him about it." Duo snuggled closer to the Perfect Soldier's body, sleep washing over him like a gentle wave.

"Sounds good. Let's talk more about it in the morning. I'm…tired…g'night." Violet eyes slid shut as Duo's breathing became even with slumber. Heero nodded slightly then turned to kiss the Deathscythe pilot softly on the lips. 

"Goodnight babe, sleep well. You too Kat. I hope you feel better in the morning." 

****

Comments? Mail me at: patamon666@yahoo.com


	3. 

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties ****

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. I can assure you that if you sue me you will get about $40 bucks and a really cheap computer. Besides it would only be a waste of your time.

****

Warnings: ANGST!!!! This fic involves graphic depictions of self-mutilation and depression. If this sort of thing bothers you or makes you uncomfortable then please stop reading now. This is not a fic promoting self-mutilation because I have been there and it is not a fun thing to deal with. This is a fic about getting over it. Please, if this sort of thing bothers you DO NOT read any further!!!

~…~ Denotes thoughts

"…" Denotes dialogue 

****

The Angel Who Cried Crimson

Part 3

__

By: Marissa Kaisuke

Duo shifted in Heero's lap. His long chestnut braid snaking lazily over the Wing pilot's leg before swinging over the edge of the couch. Duo quietly lay there, zoning out, while Heero yawned, flipping through the channels. Trowa lay comfortably in the loveseat next to them, nose buried in a book. All three pilots sat there, enjoying the peaceful afternoon, as the rain drizzled down the window. Trowa looked up from the paperback as he heard the door slam from the main hangar. _~ Good, Quatre's back. Maybe now I can apologize for the other day. ~_ Heero turned the TV off as Quatre flew past the living room, bolting towards his room. 

"Quatre! QUATRE!!" Wufei ran past them as well, following the blonde pilot. 

"What the hell?" Duo rolled off the Japanese boy, flopping noisily on the floor. Duo looked into the hallway, staring towards the bedrooms. Wufei stood outside the Arab's door, banging on it as water dripped from his rain-soaked clothing. 

"Open the door Quatre! NOW!" Jiggling the locked doorknob, Wufei turned to Duo. "Something's terribly wrong with him. Maxwell, get the others! I think he's going to commit suicide in there." Duo gasped and hollered for Heero and Trowa. 

"Shit! TRO! HEERO! EMERGENCY!!!" Inside the bedroom, Quatre lay on the bed sobbing, blood spilling form his wrists. _~ So much blood…all their screams…I'm a murderer… ~_ Dimly in the background he heard the four boys yelling at him to open the door. _~ I deserve this pain…they didn't though…some were just children…I couldn't even stop myself… ~_ The razor sharp knife fell from his grip, the world fading to scarlet as he lay in the crimson pool. 

"QUATRE!!" _~ Quatre…killer…funny how they sound alike… ~_ "Quatre open the fucking door!!" _~ Winner…worthless…Raberba…red…there was so much red on them… ~_ The yelling outside the door ceased. Quatre could faintly hear Heero and Trowa ramming into the door. Cracks appeared around the doorframe, plaster and paint flecking off under the stress. The door flew open as Heero delivered a powerful kick, completely ripping the frame apart. 

"HOLY SHIT!" Duo cried out at the sight on the bed. Wufei hissed and ran to the kitchen to call 911. Trowa gently lifted the small blonde onto his lap as he sat down on the bed. 

"Quatre…Quatre! Please, you have to wake up! Look at me Quatre! You have to keep awake!" Trowa firmly shook the smaller's shoulders. Heero ripped the sheets out from under them and fiercely tore them into strips. Duo was patting Quatre's cheek to wake him up while holding his wrist to stop the blood flow. Quatre went completely limp as he quit breathing.

"Dammit! He's not breathing! He's lost too much blood." Tears slipped from his emerald eyes as Trowa began CPR. Heero tightly wrapped the cloth strips around Quatre's tiny wrists. Pulling up the pink sleeves, the Japanese pilot hissed at the sight of the once smooth alabaster skin. Duo gagged slightly, seeing the long, angry red slashes criss-crossing the blonde's arms. 

"Bloody shit…how long has he been doing this?" Trowa kept up the steady breathing until Quatre coughed weakly. "Kat! Wake Up!" Duo frantically smacked the pale face. Aqua eyes opened slowly, unfocused and dilated. 

"Du…Tro…no…d'serve th'ss…" Quatre mumbled softly, eyes closing once more. Wufei ran back to them in the bedroom. 

"I've got the car ready and I notified the local hospital. Let's go!" Trowa quickly picked the unconscious pilot, hauling ass to the waiting car. 

Wufei pushed 100 around the turn, swearing loudly as the car fishtailed slightly.

"What the fuck are you trying to do?!?" Slow down or we'll all die!!" Wufei ran the red light and floored it, an oncoming car just barely missing them. 

"Shut up, Maxwell!! I'm trying to save his life! If we don't hurry, he won't make it." Duo turned, looking at the three pilots in the backseat. 

"How is he? Responding at all?" Trowa held the limp figure in his arms, refusing to let go. Hot wet tears slipped from his emerald eyes, splashing on the motionless face beneath him. Heero held onto Quatre's wrists tightly, slowing the blood flow. 

"He's breathing, but it's erratic still. I think I have the bleeding under control too. His blood hasn't started clotting yet though, so it's still oozing out a little." Heero looked at his lover. "You okay?" Duo nodded shakily, his violet depths watching the still pilot's face. 

"Just scared."

The three pilots watched as doctors and nurses rushed Quatre to the emergency room, his prone body lying motionless on the white stretcher. Wufei sprinted into the waiting room, having been out parking the car. 

"Where is he?" Heero looked up, his braided lover crying softly into his shoulder. 

"They just took him back." Wufei sighed in a brief wash of relief, dropping wearily into a chair. Heero glanced worriedly at Trowa. Guiding the Deathscythe pilot to a chair, Heero watched the tall European pace back and forth. "Trowa sit down. You need to relax a little. He won't be coming out anytime soon so try to calm down." In a worried daze, the Heavyarms pilot nodded weakly and sat down next to Wufei. Duo quieted down and sniffled softly, hand tightly clasped with the Japanese boy. 

"Wu-chan? Did something happen during the mission to make Kat do that?" The Chinese pilot closed his eyes in memory, anguish written over his face. Wufei nodded weakly. 

"Quatre took a bad hit while we were taking off and Sandrock crashed into the shopping district. Gods! Those OZ bastards sent mobile dolls after us in a populated area! Have they no honor? It's almost as if they didn't care they were firing upon innocents. They were relentless! We almost didn't make it but…" Wufei looked away, pain etched into his features. 

"Wu-chan? What happened?" Pulling the bronze face around to look at him, Duo pressed on in a soft voice. "Wu-chan?" The Shenlong pilot took a deep breath, tears glimmering in his onyx eyes. 

"It was like he was under the ZERO system. He snapped completely. I opened the vid and comm link with him and you could just tell by just looking at him. He…he went totally berserk!" Trowa paled visibly, watching Wufei intently. 

"What do you mean he snapped? What the hell happened to him?!"

" He pushed Sandrock to the max and slaughtered the dolls. I've never seen him fight with such unrestrained rage. It's as if some inner turmoil were going on in his mind." Trowa abruptly got up out of his chair, startling the other people in the room. The tall youth nervously ran a hand through his oddly cut hair, anxiety and stress overwhelming his system. Heero got up and pulled the Heavyarms pilot into a tight hug.

"Calm down…just relax. We need to stay incognito here. Just sit down." Heero glanced at Wufei. "Go on with what happened, Fei." 

"He was screaming incoherently and sobbing madly. Then he started firing into the crowds. He turned insane. He was laughing psychotically and screaming something about 'since no one loves me then I don't love any of you'." The Chinese youth paused, crystalline drops slid down his cheeks. "I…I was forced to attack his Gundam. He wouldn't calm down but then it was like I hit a switch. His face just went blank and we high-tailed it out of there before anyone else got hurt. He must have set the autopilot to get to the house because all he did on the way back was mutter that he was worthless and that he'd put and end to it when he got back. It scared the shit out of me to see him like that…" Duo pulled Wufei into his arms, sobs racking the Shenlong pilot's thin body. Rubbing his back, Duo whispered into Wufei's ear.

"Sshh…Wu-chan it's not your fault. You only did what you had to. Don't worry we'll pull through this and win this damn war together, _ALL _of us…"

****


	4. 

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties ****

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. I can assure you that if you sue me you will get about $40 bucks and a really cheap computer. Besides it would only be a waste of your time.

****

Warnings: ANGST!!!! This fic involves graphic depictions of self-mutilation and depression. If this sort of thing bothers you or makes you uncomfortable then please stop reading now. This is not a fic promoting self-mutilation because I have been there and it is not a fun thing to deal with. This is a fic about getting over it. Please, if this sort of thing bothers you DO NOT read any further!!!

~…~ Denotes thoughts

"…" Denotes dialogue 

****

The Angel Who Cried Crimson

Epilogue 1

__

By: Marissa Kaisuke

~Epilogue 1~

Hours later, they were the only ones left in the waiting room. Duo half slept, leaning on Heero's shoulder. Wufei sat in a lotus position on the floor, meditating to calm his nerves while Trowa stared blankly out the window, watching the rain pour on the earth below. 

"What time is it?"

"It's 1:35 in the morning. Five minutes later than last time. Tro, you need to sit down and try to get some sleep. You've been under a lot of stress and need to give your body some rest." Trowa kept his back to the Perfect Soldier.

"I'll rest when Quatre is safe and in my arms. Until they tell us he's okay, I'm not doing anything." Wufei opened one eye to study the tall European. _~ He's exhausted. I'm surprised he's lasted this long. Hell, I'm surprised any of us have lasted this long without collapsing from stress…~ _

"Mr. Chang?" Startled, the four pilots all reached for their guns, aiming with perfect accuracy at the surprised doctor. She froze in the doorway, dropping her clipboard. Realizing it was not the enemy, they quickly concealed the weapons. "You guys must all work for his Excellency, in the OZ organization." Heero balked at the foolish woman and silently cursed Wufei for bringing them to an OZ facility. 

"Uh yeah, you could say we're soldiers. So how's Kat?" Duo gave the other three meaningful looks to keep up the charade till they had Quatre safe. 

"Mr. Renwin is actually recovering in his room right now. He lost a lot of blood but we were able to pull him through. If you gentlemen would like to visit him one at a time then that would be fine." Duo whooped loudly, hugging Heero ecstatically.

"He's okay! YEAH!" Trowa sagged against the wall, tears of happiness running down his face. Wufei sighed in relief, thanking the gods for his friend's recovery. Heero hugged his lover back, laughing lightly. 

"We won't be able to release him for quite some time, though, because we're going to keep him here under a 24-hour suicide watch for a few weeks till he is stable. Afterwards, we'll be putting him in a psychiatric ward till he is removed from his suicidal tendencies." 

"Oh yeah, yeah…so where is he? Can we go see him now?" Duo pushed past the doctor, looking down the hallway. "Is his room this way?"

"Yes, go down the hall and turn right. Mr. Renwin's room is the fourth one on the left, number 4-3. Only one person in the room at a time, please."

"Can we all go in for just a minute? We'll make it short." Wufei gave his most convincing 'we're-really-tired-and-just-want-to-see-our-friend' look. She sighed softly, and smiled. 

"If you all want to see him at once please make it brief. It's not hospital policy but I'll allow it this once." 

"Thank you." Wufei bowed slightly and headed after the others down the hallway. 

"Renwin? That's the name you came up with to give them? I could'a thought up somthin' better than Renwin!" Duo smirked at the Chinese pilot as he caught up to them. 

"What? I just changed the letters around in Winner's name. I was in a hurry and my head wasn't clear at the time. Atleast I remembered to change his name. Last time, if I remember correctly Maxwell, we all had vacate the last safehouse because you told some pharmacist your real name when you went to get Trowa's flu medicine."

"Well at least I didn't check one of us into an OZ territory hospital. Geez Fei!" 

"Hey! It was the closest and it was an emergency. The safest, neutral medical facility was over an hour away. If I called there he might have not made it."

"Quit bickering you two. We need to keep a low profile so it'll be easier to get out of here." Heero shushed the two pilots, gesturing for Trowa to open the door. Inside the bland, white room, machines hummed as they monitored the still figure on the bed. Trowa leaned over the side of the bed. Taking a slim, pale hand into his own, Trowa brushed a light kiss over Quatre's lips. The other three pilots discreetly looked away, giving him a moment of privacy. 

"Want us to wait a minute outside?" Trowa shook his head, not looking up from Quatre's face.

"No, I want him out of here as soon as possible. Is he movable?" Heero turned and assessed the Arab's condition. 

"His arm's are bandaged up pretty well. They can come off in a week or two. I'm positive he has stitches under there as well. I'm pretty sure I can take those out in a month, month and a half at the latest. Body temp is still low from blood loss, though." Heero watched the heart monitor for a moment and listened to the small blonde's chest. "He's breathing fine and he seems to be okay. They probably injected him with some sleep-inducing agent so he'll be out for a while. He looks movable to me. We should be able to get him out of here and home with no problems." Trowa carefully lifted Quatre's limp figure into his arms. Wrapping a sheet and blanket from the bed around him, Trowa waited till Wufei signaled the coast was clear to exit the room. Heero and Wufei took turns, waiting till there was no one in sight, to signal the European pilot to follow. 

"Duo went ahead to bring the car around. Soon as we're outside get in the car as fast as you can so no one sees us. We're near an OZ base too apparently, so there's likely to be a few soldiers stationed here to watch over things." Trowa nodded, listening to the Wing pilot. Wufei stood outside the glass entry doors, waiting for the braided pilot to come around with the car. "Crap we've been spotted. C'mon babe! Where are you?" Heero spotted several doctors hurrying down the hall towards them. Duo pulled up and Wufei hopped in the passenger seat, motioning for the others to hurry. Bolting through the doors, Trowa and Heero leapt into the backseat, throwing the blonde pilot across their laps. 

"GO DUO!" The braided pilot happily obliged, slamming his foot down on the accelerator and sending the small car screeching out of the parking lot. 

****

Quatre shifted on the bed, bright sunshine hitting him in the face. _~ Bed? Sunshine? Where am I? What happened? ~_ Groaning softly as he opened his eyes, Quatre was startled awake as azure gazed into emerald. 

"Trowa?" Joy overcame the normally stoic pilot's face at seeing the small blonde awake. It had been two days since Quatre's attempted suicide and Trowa had made it a point to sleep in the chair next to Quatre's bed every night. 

"Quatre! Oh thank god, you're awake!" Shock ran through Quatre's system as Trowa pulled him into a tight hug. 

"What happened…OWW!" 

"Oh, sorry." Trowa smiled sheepishly as let Quatre lie back down onto the soft pillows. "I forgot about your wounds. You okay?" Quatre tried to sit up, running a hand through his mussed bangs. 

"Yeah, just really tired…and thirsty. Could I have some water?" Helping the Sandrock pilot sit up, Trowa ran out to the kitchen and filed up a glass of ice water. Passing the living room, Trowa let Duo and Heero know that Quatre was awake. Wufei was out in the yard practicing his kata's when the Deathscythe pilot bounced out there and filled him in on the good news. Trowa returned to the large bedroom with the water to see Heero giving Quatre a hug. 

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?" Quatre looked astonished to all the attention he was getting. Handing him the glass, Trowa settled on the edge of the bed next to Quatre while Heero sat in the nearby chair. 

"I guess I'm feeling okay. Why is everyone in my room? And why am I all bandaged up and tired? Did we have a mission and I just don't remember it or…"

"KAT-CHAN!!" Duo did a flying glomp onto the bed, his elbow landing squarely on Trowa's crotch.

"HOLY SHIT DUO!!!!!" Trowa gagged and clutched at the wounded area as he fell off the bed. Duo paused in mid-hug to peer over the side at the fallen pilot. 

"Oops, sorry Tro. I'd kiss it and make it better but, Heero'd get jealous." Trowa groaned something unintelligible from the floor as Heero glowered at hie lover. Wufei walked into the room to Trowa on the floor, Duo practically all over Quatre trying to hide from Heero, and a madly blushing Quatre. _~ Yeah that's about right. ~_ Wufei plucked the small blonde out of Duo's grasp as Heero launched himself at the braided boy. Quatre watched, astonished, as Heero grabbed Duo by the braid and forced a hot, wet kiss onto him. _~ THEY'RE GAY TOO!?!?!?! ~_

"Get a room you two." Trowa said dryly as he managed enough strength to get off the floor. Wufei hugged Quatre briefly as he helped him back onto the bed. Quatre settled back into the soft pillows as the others all took seats around him. 

"Why are you all watching me? Am I supposed to say something?" Heero sighed and pointed to Quatre's bandaged arm. 

"Explain this and why you attempted suicide the other night. We had to rush you to the hospital or do you not remember?" Quatre's face went dead, emotionless as realization and vague memories hit him. He turned his head to the side not wanting to explain anything. Quatre looked back to face them as a warm hand took his.

"We only want to help you. Please we're your friends. Why did you do this to yourself?" Tears welled up in Quatre's eyes as he stared into Trowa's emerald green gaze. 

"I…I…I hate myself so much…I absolutely hate myself…please, I don't want to talk about this…" Quatre broke down into quiet sobs as he covered his face with his sleeves. Trowa slid off the chair and sat down next to Quatre on the bed. Pulling the small blonde into his arms, Trowa hugged him to his chest tightly. 

"Please, Quatre. We want to help you, not hurt you. None of us will judge you in any way, shape or form. I promise. Please…" Quatre basked in the warmth of Trowa's arms, drawing in the strength he needed from the soothing tone of Trowa's voice. Lifting his head up to look at them, Quatre began to speak.

"No one cares about me…no one loves me…I guess I hate myself because I'm always such a failure. I'm the weakest pilot amongst us all; I'm skinny, scrawny and fucking ugly in my opinion. I almost killed Trowa when I let the ZERO system get to me and he ended up missing with amnesia because of me. I almost blew up a colony too when I was under that thing. I'm worthless as a Gundam pilot and as a human. Hell I'm not even human. I was genetically created did you know that? Made in a fucking test-tube. I HATE MYSELF!!" Quatre screamed out and buried his face into Trowa's chest. Trowa rubbed Quatre's back, trying to offer what little comfort he could to the upset blonde. 

"Quatre, you're not weak. By any stretch of the imagination. You were the one who kept me going after Heero self-destructed. I guess you never knew it at the time but, I was majorly depressed and you just being there helped me through it all. You really are one of my best friends Quatre and I don't want to see anything happen to you." Duo put a comforting hand on Quatre's shoulder. Wiping away the tears, Quatre smiled weakly at Duo. 

"Thanks I guess but, you're just saying that to make me feel better. But I'm not worth it though. I'm completely worthless. I'm such a crybaby too. Look at me! None of you would break down like this and cry over everything. I'm so weak. I'm disgusting as well! My fucking family is ashamed of me! Do you know why!?!" Quatre's voice escalated as he shoved away from Trowa. Rage filled his voice as disgust and personal hatred shone in his eyes. "I'M GAY!! I'M FUCKING QUEER!!!! I'VE HAD DREAMS ABOUT FUCKING THE HELL OUT OF ALL OF YOU!! GOD I'M SO DISGUSTING!!" Quatre slumped down on the bed, exhausted from the emotional overload. "Out, just get out…all of you. I'm sure you're all thoroughly disgusted by now so just get out and leave me alone. God, I'm so worthless. I just wish you had let me die. WHY!? WHY COULDN'T YOU ALL HAVE JUST LET ME DIE!?!" Heero yanked Quatre around and pulled him to his chest. Crushing their lips together, Heero slid his tongue between parted lips and rubbed their hips together. The petite blonde moaned into the Perfect Soldier's mouth as Heero massaged his erection through satin pajama pants. Quatre felt bereft when the Wing pilot moved away, straightening his clothes.

"Quatre, we're all gay. All five of us, with the exemption of Wufei 'cause he's bi. Get over it. Duo and I've been screwing for months now. Even Wufei joined in at one point in time and we had an orgy so don't feel like you're the only non-hetero here." Quatre flopped down on the bed, touching his lips in amazement and pure shock. Duo glared at his lover.

"Hey! I couldn't kiss Trowa but you're free to make out with Kat? ASS! That's not fair." Heero shrugged. 

"Got him to quit wallowing in self-hatred didn't it?" Trowa threw Heero a dirty look. _~ Dammit! I wanted to do that!! ~_ Quatre still sat in shock on the edge of the bed. _~ God! I never thought a kiss could be like that! WOW! ~_ Quatre snapped back into reality as Heero's words finally hit him.

"Wait a sec, you're all gay!! When did this happen?!?!" Wufei laughed at Quatre's confused look.

"Quatre we've always been non-hetero. We just never showed it 'cause we weren't sure if you were straight or not. We didn't want it to make you feel uncomfortable so, we just never said anything about it." Quatre leaned back onto the pillows again, taking in all this new information.

"Oh… wish I could have joined in on the orgy. Sounds kinky." The last two phrases were spoken so softly that only the taller European heard him. Trowa's eyes widened at the though of a five way orgy between all of them. _~ Nah! Better work him into it. It'll be best if we start off small…like just him and me. ~_ Quatre yawned widely, his energy reserves running on low from all the stress and emotional overload. Duo and Heero took their cues and went out to make breakfast for the five of them. 

"Don't worry Kat-chan. We'll all pull through this together. You're not a failure or weakling or…any other bad thing you think of yourself. Trust me, you're one of the best of us. Well, next to me of course." Heero snorted at Duo's last comment and pulled him out of the bedroom towards the kitchen. "We'll get breakfast made and bring it to you when it's done, k?" 

"I'd better go help them. Duo can't cook worth shit and all Heero likes to make are Japanese dishes." Wufei got up to leave then turned in the doorway. "You really are hot Quatre. You know that right? Plus you've always been there for us when we needed you. You're not weak, no matter how much you think it's true." Wufei left the large bedroom, leaving Trowa still sitting on the bed. 

"Do you feel any better?" Quatre looked up and smiled slightly as Trowa took his hand.

"Yeah, I guess. It's nice to know that I don't disgust you guys."

"You could never disgust us, Quatre. Even if we were all straight but you, no matter how homophobic we were, we could never hate you. Especially me." Quatre smiled up at the Heavyarms pilot. 

"Thank you, Trowa. That means a lot to me knowing that I don't disgust you. Maybe I'm not that worthless but I'm still a crybaby. And weak. And I hurt you or did you forget about that!" 

"Shut up! You are none of those things and you know it! I don't care what happened to me while I had amnesia. It wasn't your fault!! Those things happened because a computer system, that even Heero has trouble with sometimes, took control over you. It was _my_ decision to jump in front of that beam. It was _my_ decision to not get out of the cockpit when I knew it was going to explode."

"But you wouldn't have gotten hurt if I wasn't so weak as to overcome the system!"

"Dammit, Quatre! It wasn't your fault!! I don't blame you for any of that. Can't you understand that?" Quatre opened his mouth to protest but was cut off as Trowa kissed him roughly. Running his fingers through golden hair, Trowa devoured Quatre's mouth, running his tongue through every crevice in the hot, silky mouth beneath him. Quatre kissed him back, exploring the emerald-eyed pilot's velvety mouth and tongue, before settling back onto the pillows. Trowa kissed him softly on the lips before pulling back to gaze into azure eyes. "Do you know what the last thought on my mind was when the Vayeate exploded? It was for Heero to not be too hard on you. I wanted him to assure your safety before I died. I didn't die though. I drifted for a while and was picked up by a passing ship. Luckily I was dropped off on the colony where Catherine was. But the entire time I had no idea who I was, do you know what image stuck in my mind? It was when you and I played that duet together. You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And when you first stepped out of your Gundam and showed me your face. I felt my heart stop. I love you Quatre." A small tear tracked its way down the European's face, splashing softly on the blonde's cheek. Quatre reached up and licked away another salty tear as it slid down porcelain skin. 

"I love you too, Trowa. When you first surrendered to me that day, I surrendered my heart to you in return." Trowa pulled Quatre against his chest, reveling in the feeling that his love was returned. 

"Quatre, promise me one thing though. No matter how bad you feel in the future, you'll never do this again. I couldn't bear to lose you. I lost you once but you found me again. I couldn't take the pain of losing you again."

"I promise, Trowa. I won't ever go this far again. I don't want the ones I love to be in pain."

"Thank you." Kissing his sweet, pliant lips again, Trowa didn't even notice Duo come back with a tray full of hot, fluffy pancakes.

"Breakfast is…oh! Uh, I'll just leave it on the table and you guys can eat when you finish." Duo smiled broadly as the two currently making out didn't even notice him. _~ Damn! From what Heero said, Kat's a pretty good kisser and from just seeing him and Trowa going at it, I can safely say that both of them are pretty good at it. Maybe Heero and Fei-chan will be up for another romp in the sack soon. I'm sure we could squeeze those two in somewhere. ~_ Duo walked back towards the kitchen, evil, hentai thoughts racing through his mind. 

"OOH! Just think of all the combinations!!" 

~OWARI~

**__**


	5. 

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties ****

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. I can assure you that if you sue me you will get about $40 bucks and a really cheap computer. Besides it would only be a waste of your time.

****

Warnings: ANGST!!!! This fic involves graphic depictions of self-mutilation and depression. If this sort of thing bothers you or makes you uncomfortable then please stop reading now. This is not a fic promoting self-mutilation because I have been there and it is not a fun thing to deal with. This is a fic about getting over it. Please, if this sort of thing bothers you DO NOT read any further!!!

~…~ Denotes thoughts

"…" Denotes dialogue 

****

The Angel Who Cried Crimson

Epilogue 2

__

By: Marissa Kaisuke

~Epilogue 2~

Hours later, they were the only ones left in the waiting room. Duo half slept, leaning on Heero's shoulder. Wufei sat in a lotus position on the floor, meditating to calm his nerves, while Trowa stared blankly out the window, watching the rain pour on the earth below. 

"What time is it?"

"It's 1:35 in the morning. Five minutes later than last time. Tro, you need to sit down and try to get some sleep. You've been under a lot of stress and need to give your body some rest." Trowa kept his back to the Perfect Soldier.

"I'll rest when Quatre is safe and in my arms. Until they tell us he's okay, I'm not doing anything." Wufei opened one eye to study the tall European. _~ He's exhausted. I'm surprised he's lasted this long. Hell, I'm surprised any of us have lasted this long without collapsing from stress…~ _

"Mr. Chang?" The four pilots turned to see a young, attractive nurse standing in the doorway. Wufei's heart beat frantically in his chest. His sloe eyes noted the downcast look on her face.

"Yes?"

"The doctor will be out in a moment to speak with you. Would you care stay out here or in her office?"

"Here's fine, thank you." The Chinese pilot watched as the tiny brunette shuffled out of the room, a quiet sadness reflecting in her eyes. _~ Oh gods…is he okay… ~_

"Did you see the look on her face!?! Something's wrong! Is Quatre okay?!? Heero, where's Kat?!?" Heero smacked Duo across the face. 

"Calm down! We don't know anything yet!" Tears shone brightly in limpid, violet pools as Duo rubbed a hand softly over his reddening cheek. 

"But…what if he's dead?" Heero pulled his lover into a tight embrace. Smoothing down errant chestnut locks, Heero kissed him lightly on the forehead. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you but you were starting to panic and…I'm sorry. Please, Quatre will be fine. I'm sure he's just asleep back there. You'll see him as soon as the doctor speaks with us. Okay?" Duo mumbled something unintelligible against Heero's neck, nodding slightly. Trowa watched the exchange of false promises between the two lovers. _~ Don't lie to him Heero. You saw the look on her face as well as I did. Duo was right…something is wrong. I can only pray that you'll pull through whatever is wrong, Quatre, so I can tell you how much you mean to me. I just need to tell you I love you. Even if you don't love me back, I just need to tell you. ~_ A tall, middle-aged woman entered the waiting room, her long white lab coat swishing behind her noiselessly.

"Gentlemen, I take it you are the ones here for news about a Mr. Winner. Am I correct?"

"Yes." Wufei replied, settling into the chair next to the Shinigami pilot. 

"Is he okay? Can we see him now?" Duo clutched at Heero's hand tightly. Sighing softly, she pulled her glasses off, slipping them into a pocket. Pulling another chair around to face them, the doctor placed her clipboard on a nearby table and gestured for Trowa to sit down. Tensing immediately, the tall European clutched at the window frame. _~ Oh god, no…please ~_

"Mr. Winner had suffered critical injuries to his wrists and forearms. Most of the bleeding had slowed considerably by the time he arrived here but he had lost an enormous amount of blood. His physical health was very poor in that he had been suffering from blood loss on what looked like a continuous basis from who knows when. I regret to have to inform you of this, but Mr. Winner has already passed on. He lost too much blood to pull through and several veins had been severed completely making a blood transfusion pointless. I'm sorry gentlemen." Each pilot's reaction varied as the horrible news was laid out before them. Duo screamed, an animalistic wail of agony emitted from the deepest depths within him. His slim form convulsed in seizure-like movements as painful sobs tore their way out of him. Heero gripped his lover, swaying back and forth to calm himself. Crystal streams flowed openly from his cobalt eyes, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Wufei clutched his mouth tightly as if to stop the violent sobs from leaving his body. Onyx eyes drizzled tears. Wufei cried out from the sheer pain in his stomach from holding back the emotional overload he was feeling. Trowa began to hyperventilate. Clutching at the windowsill, the Heavyarms pilot began a slow decent to the floor. Sliding down the wall, pain like none he had experienced before built up inside of him. Images of long past flashed before his eyes. Quatre smiling as he entered the kitchen in the morning, Quatre fussing over a flesh wound the Heavyarms pilot had acquired, Quatre napping in the arm chair in the living room, Quatre playing his violin in the study on a rainy day, Quatre out on the lawn stargazing when he thought the others were asleep. Various scenes flickered across his emerald gaze as a cry of sheer torment tore out of his throat. 

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! QUATRE!!!! Ohhhh…god…NO! QUATRE!!!!!!" Trowa's lean body curled in on itself. Clutching an arm to his face, Trowa cried into his bloodstained blue sweater, an occasional scream was heard from beneath the thick fabric. Faintly in the back of his mind, Trowa remembered the one scene that had been forever etched onto his memory. It was of him and Quatre, when he had finally gotten up enough nerve to ask the tiny blonde to go into town with him. They went to see a movie together and had a late dinner in a small café. Later, before going back to the safehouse, Quatre and him had wandered into a small playground. Insisting that Trowa have a little childhood fun, they swung on the swings till both were exhausted and collapsed onto the grass laughing. The moment he remembered so well was the instant he had known it was love that he held in his heart for the smaller pilot. The moonlight illuminated Quatre's innocent face giving the appearance of a fallen angel. Trowa had caught his breath at the sight as Quatre turned to smile at him. Returning back to the present, Trowa cried harder, knowing that he would never be able to see that shining face again or even tell the small blonde how he felt about him. 

****

The funeral had been held in a huge church on the L4 Colony under the direct control of the remaining Winner family. None of the pilots had attended, disgusted with the publicity the Winner daughters had used the funeral for. Two weeks after the unfortunate suicide of one of their closest friend's, Duo had requested that they hold a short private ceremony of their own outside of the safehouse the five of them had all last resided in. They planted moonflowers, a night-blooming flower, around the tree that Quatre had frequently fallen asleep under when stargazing. Each pilot said their good-bye's and had vowed to remain friends forever, as Quatre would have wanted it. It had been three years since the war had ended and the death of Quatre and his love for the gentle blonde still remained. Duo and Heero had gotten married and were living together on L2. Wufei had gone to work for Sally Po as a preventer. Trowa had become increasingly depressed over the past years even though he had a good job as music teacher at a local university. Each year, the four of them had gotten together to remember Quatre and reminisce about the war and the events that had taken place during that time. Trowa smiled softly as he laid down on his bed. _~ I guess I won't be making it to the reunion this year. Somewhere inside me I know I should feel bad about making them relive this but I hope they'll forgive me. I'm sorry Duo, Heero, Wufei. I miss him too much though. If you can still be sane after the loss of the one you loved, then your love isn't true. My love is true. ~_ Trowa swallowed the remaining sleeping pills from the bottle next to his bed. _~ Twelve should be enough. I'm going to miss you guys. You three really are the best friends I'll ever have. I'll see you again someday. ~_ Trowa put on a slow song, Gaze of the Stars, Quatre's favorite. Closing his eyes, Trowa focused on that moonlit night he fell in love. Picturing pure innocence and beauty in his mind, Trowa smiled as sleep rapidly closed in on him. _~ I'll see you soon my love. Wait for me… ~_

~OWARI~


End file.
